Mr. Poop-Eil
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This is my first filk, and I consider it a slight effort. The original, "Mr. Popeil", is more of a spoken piece than a musical one. As for who Mr. Popeil is, if you're the least bit familiar with infomercials, you've come across Ron Popeil. And some ferrets are known as "poop machines", so....


MR. POOP-EIL
by Paul E. Jamison
Based on “Mr. Popeil” by "Weird Al" Yankovic

I need Ferretone!
I need Yesterday’s News litter!
I need a square litterbox
With high walls so my butt doesn’t hang over the side!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!

I wanna play in a furlined crinkle sack!
I wanna crawl through 20 feet of clear dryer tube!
I wanna five-story cage with ramps covered in cloth to protect my delicate little footsies!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!

Help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!

(Wo-o, wo-o.  Ohhhhhh.)
It slices.  It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But what’s all that got to do with ferrets?

Mr. Poop-eil, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no!  Now how am I gonna make my old yellowed albino hair look like new?
Mr. Poop-eil!
Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!

(How much will the humans pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(How much will the humans pay?)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(How much will the humans pay?)
If you order today,
You get a set of jingly balls and the latest Jeanne Carley calendar!
(How much will the humans pay?)
How much will the humans pay?
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.

Make my humans spoil this weasel!
Make them spend lots of money on me!
Make them take advantage of this amazing TV offer!
They’ll WISH they were only paying for a Bamboo Steamer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Poop-eil.  I want it!
(Mr.  Poop-eil.)  Well, I need it!
(Mr.  Poop-eil.)  I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
DOOK!