The John Cleese Song
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The John Cleese Song
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Not much to say about this one. I pulled a switcheroo on Monty Pyrhon's "Ferret Song". What more do you need to know?


THE JOHN CLEESE SONG
By Paul E. Jamison
Music by Bob Leaper (traditional)
Based on “The Ferret Song” by Graham Chapman and John Cleese




A ferret, wearing a conservative suit and bowler and carrying an umbrella, steps forward. A dignified Cambridge man sticks his head out of the ferret’s nostril and solemnly says, “And now for something completely different”. The ferret begins to sing:


I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects my sense of smell.

I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
It starts singing when I wear my formal clothes.
I can almost stand the noise
But at parties it destroys
My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise.

I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
Worst of all it constantly explodes.
"John Cleese doesn't explode," you say
But it happened nine times yesterday
And I should know for each time I was standing in the way.

I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
It pokes its head out every time I blow.
I can stand it for a while
Although it's absolutely vile
It's not as bad as last week when I had an Eric Idle.

I can see a bare-bottomed Michael Palin.
Slyly eyeing my other nostril.
I really don't know what to do
But if it jumps inside there too
I shall be the proud possessor of a kind of nasal classic British television comedy series.

I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose.
How it got there I can't tell
But now it's there it hurts like hell
And what is more it radically affects...
My sense of smell!