The Broad Black Brimmer
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The Broad Black Brimmer
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Many ferret-owned humans believe that these pillow pirahnas have formed the FLO (Ferret Liberation Organization), dedicated to taking over the World. It strikes me that the FLO wouldn't be a proper underground liberation organization if it didn't have its own songs of freedom. Hence this song. Replace "IRA" in the original with "FLO", change the words to something more appropriate, and here you are. In real life, a ferret wouldn't abide being dressed in a uniform and would wiggle out of it within 20 seconds, but, hey, fantasy is fantasy.


The Broad Black Brimmer
by Paul E. Jamison
based on the traditional song


There's a uniform that’s laid out in what's known as Bandit's drawer,
A uniform so simple in its style.
It has no braid of gold or silk, no hat with feathered plume,
Yet me human has preserved it all the while.
One day she let me try it on, a wish of mine for months.
“Just in memory of our Bandit dear”, she said.
And when I put the harness on, she was smiling through her tears,
As she placed the broad black brimmer on me head.

It’s just a broad black brimmer, its ribbons frayed and torn
By the careless run through many a tunnel maze.
An old trench coat that is Ferretone-stained and worn
And breeches almost threadbare at the knees.
A Sam Browne harness with a buckle big and strong
And a holster that's been empty since long ago (It held raisins!).
But when we claim ferret's freedom,
The one they’ll choose to lead them
Will wear the broad black brimmer of the FLO.

It was the uniform once worn by dear Bandit long ago,
When he reached me human's homestead on the run.
It was the uniform dear Bandit wore in the freshly fallen snow,
When he did the Weasel War Dance just for fun.
And when Fish and Game gave up the fight and let us have our way,
He wore it when he marched out with the rest (and the best!).
And when he crossed the Rainbow Bridge and in state his body lay,
They placed the broad black brimmer on his breast.

It’s just a broad black brimmer, its ribbons frayed and torn
By the careless run through many a tunnel maze.
An old trench coat that is Ferretone-stained and worn
And breeches almost threadbare at the knees.
A Sam Browne harness with a buckle big and strong
And a holster that's been empty since long ago (It held raisins!).
But when we claim ferret's freedom,
The one they’ll choose to lead them
Will wear the broad black brimmer of the FLO.